Sharks in Venice

The first truly epic film of the decade
The 40s had Casablanca.
The 50s had On the Waterfront.
The 60s had Bonnie and Clyde.
The 70s had The Godfather I and II.
The 80s had Raging Bull.
The 90s had The Shawhshank Redemption.

As we now edge deeper into this decade, we have been presented with many great films. "The Departed," "No Country for Old Men," "Gangs of New York," and "Crash" are a few that come to mind. What has been missing, however, is that one epic film. The film that people will remember when they look back 20-30 years from now. The film that defines its generation. The film that defines its times. Our wait is over. That film has arrived. And it comes to us from Venice. And it has been delivered to us by sharks. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you, "Sharks in Venice."

Just as Mickey Rourke did in "The Wrestler," Stephen Baldwin seems to have revived his career with his Oscar worthy role as David Franks. After starring along side Pauly Shore in the critically...

Shark Attack 4: The Stock Footage Strikes Back!
Ah, Venice. The gem of Europe with it's swimming pool colored water, incompetent police force, and English-speaking citizenry who occasionally string together a many as two or even three simple Italian words together just so you know you're in Italy. And how could one forget the roaring man-eating great white sharks patrolling the surface in broad daylight that nobody ever sees and ignores even when they tear through a gondola or two and then spend two minutes chomping at minuscule floating bits of bait while one wonders where the rest of the person they are supposedly eating is. Either way, the populace simply report these people as missing and the police do their best to assure everybody that it was just a boating accident even when there is no evidence of a boating accident aside from the occasional gnawed torso floating around. Because they wouldn't want tourism to go down, see? Personally, I'd go to Venice right the hell now if there was a chance I'd see a great white shark...

Stinks in Venice
This was hilariously awful. It was so bad that at one point you clearly see Stephen Baldwin's leg floating in the water after being bitten off by (I assume) the shark, and in the next scene, he walks out of the hospital without a mark on him. Not only that but his expression never changed through the entire movie -- not once. Not when he got bitten, not when his wife was kidnapped, not when his father died -- throughout the entire thing he looked like a guy trying to wake up from an Ambien hangover who is also slightly constipated.
I laughed through the whole thing. Definitely worth renting but next time every time something completely implausible happens, I'm taking a shot of Maker's Mark. I'll be good and trashed in the first half hour.

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